Got my scan dates through!!

So yesterday in through the post came the letter from the NHS that I’ve been waiting for! I got my first two scan dates πŸ™‚ I knew my first one was going to be somewhat close to my 21st birthday, but its the day before! Reading the letter and its telling me all about what I need to do when I get to the hospital etc etc. But then it comes down to it, apparently unless otherwise stated by the Sonographer I can only take one person into the room with me.

Me and the baby’s father aren’t in a relationship and we aren’t really on amazing terms at the moment either. But I can’t and I won’t prevent him from seeing his child at a scan. But on the other hand, my mum is my best friend and she always has been. It would mean the world for her to come in with me also. We will just have to see how it goes on the day, I mean theres always the scan photographs that she can see πŸ™‚ – Β£5 for two! I never knew you had to pay for them. (haha)

Am I looking forward to it? The most expected answer would be Yes! of course I am. And I am, in my own way. I’m not 100% excited. I don’t feel the way I thought I would feel, being pregnant with my first child. If anyone asked me 5 months ago, “are you ready for a child” I would have jumped to it and I would have shouted yes at them. I felt set, I had my own home, a partner. The ‘proper’ family set up. But here I am now, back at home with my parents, feeling a bit broken and currently trying to juggle the news of being a new parent and trying to move on with my life. I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person? Of course I want my baby. I would never bring a child into this world if I wasn’t prepared to be committed by it. I just wish some things were a little different. πŸ™‚

I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t say that I was scared. Because in all honesty, I am! I know I have my family and my friends who are going to be there to support me and I’m glad of that πŸ™‚ Yesterday, I was sitting in the nail bar. Watching a little girl probably around 2 years old dancing in the middle of the floor with her mum whilst who I presume was her grandma was getting her nails done. She waited so patiently, entertaining herself with the music that was coming from the TV, couldn’t help thinking that I will be doing things like that, a couple of years from now. After her grandma was finished, this little 2 year old sat down in the chair and sat beautifully whilst she had her nails painted a pretty pink! Watching just touched my heart, because thats the type of things I want to do with my baby. ( If its a girl of course! πŸ˜‰ )

Kirsty x

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